Life Lessons

I intended to sit down and write about real life.  I post pictures of the things we have been doing, but I wanted to write about what life is really like… that was spring.  I’ve since watched the mountain turn red from my kitchen window and we have even had our first show fall.  The days come and go so quickly.  My garden has been planted, harvested and even preserved since my intentions to write about life.  And I’m sorry you get this post on a day like today.  I apologize if it’s a little too honest, a little too much emotion.  It’s raw and it’s real.  And today, this is my life.

 This life is really amazing you know.  I’m convinced there is no greater joy on this earth than being a parent, a mom especially.  Out of all of the things we can experience in this earthy life, out of all of the emotions we can feel becoming a parent surpasses anything else.  And because of this, a bad parenting day exceeds any other ordinary bad day.  When it comes to our kids, our emotions seem to be so much stronger.  I have watched this in myself and had to try to overcome some of this.  If I feel like someone is being mean or unfair to one of my children, watch out, mother bear comes out!  Not kidding, I have recognized this and know that I need to let my children fight their own battles, but I can’t help it, like I said, when it comes to my children my emotions are just so much stronger. 

Today wasn’t exactly the best parenting day for either Dustin or myself.  To make a long story short, we found our selves in a situation with Brinley that we really didn’t know how to handle.  Or should I say, didn’t want to handle.  Our daughter is only 5 and I realized it is HARD to watch your kids make a choice when you know there is a better way, an easier way.  It’s HARD being a parent sometimes.  It’s hard loving someone so much!  And it is HARD being the one that has to punish them!

Brinley made a choice, it wasn’t the right choice.  She didn’t do anything bad, but Dustin and I both felt that there was a lesson she needed to learn.  We gave her the choices and we gave her the consequences.  The choices and the consequences were both very clear, but stubborn little Brinley chose what she wanted to do and together we walked over to the dumpster and threw away her very favorite most prized earthy possession  “blankie”  I probably would not have gone to such an extreme measure, but that’s all we had with us at the time.  Blankie was Brinley’s favorite blanket.  It was a soft pink, green and white striped blanket we purchased at Target when I was pregnant with her.  It has provided comfort for her since she was and infant.  She loved it!  The blanked was really quite gross and worn and…loved!  The entire walk to the dumpster I just wondered if I was doing the right thing, wondered if I had taken it too far, wondered why we weren’t the type of parent to just spank their kids and get over it and wondered if I would really have the courage to break my little girl’s heart. 

I tossed blankie, dropped to my knees in the middle of the parking lot, wrapped my arms around her and told her how much I loved her, I asked her who made the choice and she said, “I did”  I asked her how it made her feel, I told her she had another chance to make the right choice and we talked about bad choices having bad consequences.  I picked her up, she wrapped her arms and her legs around me and I carried her.  I gave her the opportunity to make the choice again.  I was convinced that she would make the right choice, but when it came down to it, she did not.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  By this time I was just mad!  I handed her over to Dustin because I was so done being a Mom.  Stubborn little Brinley still refused which resulted in more privileges being taken away and we all came home feeling defeated.  Is that what this was about?  Was she really making the “wrong” choice or just not doing what we “wanted” her to do.  Did we make the “right” choice?  Needless to say, I cried, a lot.  I cried with her, I told her she was a really good girl, I told her we all make bad choices, I told her how making bad choices always makes us sad.  I wonder if this whole things was just a “bad choice” on my part?  What was this all over?  Something stupid.  She didn’t really make any “bad” choices, just a few less favorable ones.  How do you make sure your kids draw a line between the choices they make and the person they are?  How do you get them to see that because they made a bad choice doesn’t make them a bad person?  Did we blow this way out of proportion or will she get it? What if she really did learn a lesson about choices and consequences?  What if her harsh punishment tonight saved her from making some life altering “bad choices” down the road?  How do you ever know if you got it “right” as a parent?  Yes, I do have a lot to learn about life.  I don’t have all of the answers and sometimes I wonder if I have ANY of the answers, but tonight I can’t help but relate our experience to a part of this great big plan.  And I’m pretty sure I love my little stinker more tonight than I did this morning.  I hate it when she hurts!  Because when she hurts, I hurt MORE. 

In the end, we had a great dinner together, we talked about the things we were thankful for and we're crossing our fingers that we have a better day tomorrow.  Ahh, life lessons  (sigh).