Brinley wanted to play in the sprinkler one day and she ran right in and got her umbrella. I thought it was funny that she wanted to "play in the sprinkler" but didn't really want to get wet so I just grabbed my camera, but she just started posing. And now I think the posing is funnier than her umbrella idea.
Oh Summer, we're sure going to miss you. I feel like we didn't get enough in this Summer, but when I look back we were ALWAYS gone! ALWAYS playing! I guess you just can't ever spend "enough" time with your kids and right now I'm, well I'l just be honest... I'm really really sad. I'm sad that Brinley's going to kindergarten and I'm sad that you only get 5 years with your kids and just like that, it's gone. I'm sad because I remember crying when Brinley turned 2 because my time with her was half up. I'm sad because that feels like just a few months ago. I'm scared that I haven't taught her enough. Not so much about school, but about life. I read a blog the other day of a girl that we grew up with. Her name is Alisa. She's fighting cancer. She just had to send her three perfect little boys to school and she wrote, "Days like this, I have to wonder if what I told them is what I've taught them. I hope they are kind to the world even when I'm not there to prompt them." I thought, that is exactly how I feel!
I'm not really a jealous person, I'm pretty content with who I am and what I have, but I'm so jealous of the moms that get to walk their kids to school, so jealous! And I'm jealous of the moms that get to greet their kids after school with a fresh batch of homemade cookies. Now I can go into all of the reasons I work and the fact that I really do like my job and have a great job and how me working does not mean that my husband can't or doesn't provide for our family on his own and it doesn't mean that because I work by choice I want other people to "raise" my kids or that I don't want to be there for them or that I'm not there for them or that I care about money and things more than them. It does not mean that I don't love being a Mom and love my kids more than anything else in the world. It doesn't mean that I'm not a good mom. All it means, is that I recognize that my job is a blessing and it feels like the right choice right now, but that doesn't go to say that I never get tears in my eyes at work because of what I'm missing out on. Yes, sometimes I feel guilty about my choice. Sometimes I cry to my Mom. Sometimes I cry to my husband, but in the end I love my girls as much as humanly possible whether I'm at work or at home.
I don't let Brinley pick up on the fact that I don't want her to go to school. She's really excited so I try to be excited for her. When I look at these pictures of her, I realize she's probably more ready than I think. She looks confident, she looks friendly, but most of all she just looks happy. What more can we ask? Really, I just want her to be happy. So even if she doesn't know how to tie her shoe, I believe she is ready. Even if I'm not.
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