Quite often new moms struggle with life for a few months. It's completely normal for them to feel like they don't know what they're doing or how to take care of a child. To be honest with you, this has always been weird to me. When I had Brinley I didn't struggle at all with being a mom. I loved every second of it and I never felt like I didn't know what to do. If she cried she was either hungry, wanted me to hold her or needed a diaper change. No, it wasn't always easy, but I just never felt like I didn't know what I was doing... until a few months ago. Here is the truth, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea how to discipline and I certainly have no clue how to potty train. I never know if I'm making the right choice or if there even is a right way of doing things and suddenly being a good mom isn't as easy as heating up a bottle anymore. I struggle with decisions everyday, regarding work, the hours I work and what we do with the time we do have at home and is it really better to take time for yourself and if so why do I feel so guilty when I do it? And how much time is too much time? If my house is clean, but I put Brinley to bed without reading to her does that make me a bad mom? I was quietly thinking all of this while I did my hair the other day and Brinley was just playing in the bathtub. Out of nowhere, as if she read my mind she said, "You're a bad mom." If broke my heart! Here I was beating myself up and she just confirmed it. I AM a bad mom. I CAN'T do it all. I have no idea how to balance all of this... Then a few minutes later I watched her play with her baby. I watcher her rock her and kiss her and hug her and love her. I watched her comfort her when she "bonked her head." and then I thought, she learned that from someone, she learned that from ME. Although it is beyond me how some people can have clean clothes, clean dishes AND clean kids all at the same time, I love this little girl more than anything in the whole world and that should count for something. After all, love is the greatest gift.
4 comments:
You are a good mom!! We all feel that way at some point. Some more than others.
I feel that way too at times. I always second guess how I diciplined them and I always think to myself "Will they end up in therapy one day because of me?" I think we all go through it, but I've learned I just have to be a good example and tell them everyday how much I love them, and I think everything else falls into place. As for the clean house, clean kids, clean dishes thing... I think there is a point when you just have to let go of being perfect and spend the time with the kids. They won't remember how clean the house is when they get older they will remember story time every night with mom and dad :) And just from what I can see you are a great mommy and Brinley will let you know that too! Don't dwell on the little things they say cause I think half the time they just say them to get a reaction out of us. Bridger always tells me he doesn't love me and I just say "That's ok cause I still love you no matter what." And he usually forgets and runs along. It's definately not easy, but it's all worth it.
You are a good mom! There is no doubt. I am proud of you that you take the time to do for yourself and keep yourself fit and strong. It is like the oxygen in the airplane. You have to put yours on first so you won't pass out and not be able to take care of your child. Kids always say things to see if they can get a rise out of you. They have to test you all the time. Keep up the good work!!
Oh Shell, don't beat yourself up. You along with all your friends and family know you are the best mom to cute Brinley. The important thing is that you noticed how she cares for her baby, and you are correct, she had to learn that from you. Now if she was beating her sayin bad baby, then I would be a little worried. ha ha!! I hear of kids saying that to their mothers all the time, but you know they really don't mean it. Think of all the things we have said to our own parents growing up, but we really know they are the best ever. Just prepare yourself for the future dagars. :)
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